I’m A Christian But I Hate..

When I’m so agitated that I aggravate myself at my level of agitation!

I hate how my husband plays on his phone after dinner and baths. Dude, we haven’t seen you all day and if we did it was just in passing.

I hate how my kids send me on a guilt trip whenever I try to escape for a few minutes to myself.

I hate how my day is NEVER done. Even after supper, baths, and everyone is tucked into their beds I’m still attempting to scratch just ONE more thing off my never-ending, always expanding, to-do list.

I hate how I can’t get a peaceful morning walk anymore because my normal route is interrupted with loggers and their machinery.

I hate how I compare myself to other writers and don’t feel adequate in my writing.

I hate how I get great ideas for an article but it goes no further than that ONE line.

I hate when I pray for encouragement or enlightenment and God’s timing isn’t my timing. Kinda makes me be all, “You still listenin’ up there?”

I hate when I put actual grown up clothes on only to see NO ONE.

I hate when I resemble something found in the most remote forests of Timbukto and see ALL the people.

I hate when I feel like I’m dressed half decent only to sit down at the table and rest my arm in a glob of grape jelly that slid off the toast from the baby’s breakfast.

I hate how much I love sweets and pizza….Especially when I’m on a health kick.

I hate that my phone has 23 apps open all of which were open within the span of 10 minutes. Wife, Momma, Business Owner, Secretary, Friend, Chef, Photographer, Christian, and Writer. I wear so many hats at one time my neck and shoulders are buckling from the weight of them all.

I hate when the floor is finally swept and mopped and the puppy decides its a good a place as any to pop a squat and I step in it with fresh socks on.

I LOATHE when the trash is overflowing and I’m the only one who has sense enough to start a new bag, everyone else tries to build a house of cards but substituting the cards with plastic wrappers and emptied juice packs.

I LOATHE FAKEBOOK (FaceBook). Like..forreal…just be forreal.

I hate that I have to take meds to control my anxiety and depression not because of the stigma associated with mental health but because it gets lost in the shuffle of all my other responsibilities so naturally because it falls under personal wellbeing it gets pushed to the back of the deck, which only makes everything harder.

I hate when kids get sick and it spoils the dinner plans made with friends that you haven’t seen since before Thanksgiving.

I hate how it seems that everything to do with the kids, house, marriage, and office is my responsibility alone.

But ya know what I love?

I love how there is hope…and sleep.

Hope that tomorrow things won’t feel so heavy and burdensome.

 And sleep is like a human’s reset to factory settings button.

It’s ok to hit that button as early as you need to.

It’s ok to not be ok.

Instead of fighting against it, go with it, let it wash over you as a crashing wave because eventually it’ll push you to shore.

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